We’ve all heard some motivational speaker use this one: “God gave you two ears and one mouth; use them in that ratio.”

Too many leaders race to get their two cents in, trying desperately to be heard, without hearing what others are saying first.

I used to think this saying was only applicable to CEOs but it should be applied to everyone at your company.

Are you arguing a point because you want to be right or is it because you’re passionately trying to explain yourself?

Here’s a hint: if you’re communicating with others only to tell them how you want things done, then you’re not communicating effectively.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” wrote Steven Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Often the key to great communication is simply listening— really listening to what the other person has to say and waiting to respond once you’ve digested what they’ve said.  Then, if necessary, after you’ve asked a couple of clarifying questions–and only then–is it worth discussing your points.

Here is the TEDx talk I gave a few weeks ago.

I have a tendency to be hyper critical of myself and this one especially so.  I was really nervous. Felt a ton of pressure to deliver a new idea to the masses.  I went too fast. I rambled at times. I was distracted with my A.D.D. even though I’d spent about 80 hours on this talk. And I think I could have used a few different words besides ’sucked’ so often.

Anyway, I’m passionate about this. Hope you can get that sense.

Kids really can create companies to solve every problem the world has, and to capitalize on all the ideas they have already.

Let’s help them.

Let’s teach kids the skills they need to be Entrepreneurs. Let’s teach them that being an Entrepreneur is an awesome career.

I’ve never been a good student.  I got about 64% in both high school & university.  I’ve never felt smart.  I’ve often felt like I have no idea what I’m really doing.  And I often feel like I must be doing something wrong otherwise how could it be so easy?  My mind would spin with thoughts of ‘How could someone that was always told by the education system they were a C or D student actually be smart enough to really teach CEOs how to grow companies?’

Something started to change for me about 6 years ago, when I was already 38 years old.  I was taking a course trying to learn how to get better as a leader and I came across my ‘unique ability’.  I realized that I’m awesome at using quick intuitive alternatives to help CEOs reverse engineer their dreams.  Like architects help homeowners put their ideas into blueprints and get them built into a home, I help CEOs get the ideas out of the heads, and help them build the teams and systems to make their dreams happen.  To me it feels easy.  To me I wonder why they’d pay me to do what feels so simple.  And to me I keep thinking I’d do it for free – but my kids like to eat and I like expensive toys.  So I gotta charge for it.

Once I learned what I was great at, I began eliminating everything else from my day-to-day.  I began to focus on finding clients that fit me.  I found that I work best with young, fun, entrepreneurial, high viral, high growth, pre-public companies.  My ideas resonate with them.  They get huge value from my systems.  And they feel like I’m cheap compared to paying for someone with my skills full time.

The more time I spend in my ‘unique ability’ now coaching & mentoring CEOs and the teams running entrepreneurial companies the more I feel I’m on my game.  Malcolm Gladwell said a person needs at least 10,000 hours to be an expert.  I’ve been coaching or building entrepreneurial companies for 60,000 hours (45,000 hours alone in the franchising space).  No wonder I’ve more than maintained my nerve.  My company is growing very fast and I’m helping tons of great companies globally with my coaching programs & DVDs on leading and building companies.

I realize now that the teachers and professors who told me I didn’t know what I was doing had never built a company.  They’d never run great teams of people to lead. They had however perhaps unknowingly destroyed my nerve and confidence for years upon years.  Five years ago I started writing down the things I’d accomplished each week.  Weekly writing down my successes like this helped re-build my confidence.  Now companies that I helped build and lead are case studies in textbooks and are studied at MBA programs around the USA & Canada.   And last year I was the highest rated lecturer at MIT’s Entrepreneurial Masters Program.  It wasn’t easy but I have definitely got my nerve back.

A quote I read by Theodore Roosevelt in 1910 has given me the confidence now that I’m smart and perhaps my teachers weren’t as smart as I thought…

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement.”

If Monkeys could be Business Mentors

I threw out the corporate 360 Reviews years ago in favor of something I made up that I call ‘Monkeys Looking Sideways’.

Years ago at a seminar I heard a story about monkeys in a tree.  When the monkey at the top looked down all he saw was smiling monkeys looking up.  However, the monkeys below had an entirely different view.

It was at this seminar that I thought about doing 360 Reviews live and in front of the rest of the team.  I always try to build teams that embrace healthy conflict and that want to build more trust.  Well open communication like this takes trust up to an awesome level.  I built this exercise so everyone on a team would know what everyone else thought and they’d hear it in person so they could grow together.

The Monkeys Looking Sideways exercise works like this.

Essentially it is a verbal, in person, group 360 feedback. Ideally get everyone out of the office for a half to a full day.  It’s a great exercise to do on company or team retreats too.

1) Give everyone 1 pad of Post It Notes and a pen.
2) Do the review of the groups leader or CEO first.
3) Have each person write down the TOP 5 things that the person being reviewed:

a) Should continue
b) Should improve on

4) Then with the person being review staying in their seats, have one person at a time stand up and read out each post it note.  Start with all the positives first and then they read the stuff to work on second.
5) The person being reviewed can only say thank you or ask a clarifying question.  There is no debate.
6) Have all of the Post It Notes put up on a flip chart and give them to the person being reviewed so they can type them up and refer to them in their one-on-one coaching meetings with their supervisor over the year to keep working on improving.
7) Repeat the process for each person in the room.

This exercise done properly takes about 45 min per person but will be way more effective than the garbage that comes out of any online or 3rd party 360 Review Process.

In addition to using it in your company try it with an EO, YPO Forum or TEC/Vistage group on a retreat too.  It’d be awesome…

I get asked by entrepreneurs around the world what my favorite business books are.  I might as well put them out there for everyone right now to save me time later (yes, next time I’m asked I’ll forward the link to this post)…

1. Start with Why by Simon Sinek – You need to read this if you want to build a fantastic company. And I can’t see anyone being happy in their work life until they are clearly working on their “Why” too.  I’m living mine, ‘Helping entrepreneurs make their dreams happen’.
2. E-Myth by Michael Gerber – This book will help you move from being a start up to where you are leading a company that can run without you doing or knowing how to do each task or job.
3. Rockefeller Habits by Verne Harnish – This in my mind is the single most important book that EVERY entrepreneurial company and their teams have to read. Re-read it when you’re done. And ensure your team re-read it yearly until you’re doing everything in it properly.  If you are doing everything this book has to offer then I’d say it’s OK to move on and read another business book.
4. Good to Great by Jim Collins – In many ways I think this book is one that companies need to read when they’ve hit $25 Million in revenues and not earlier.  The concepts are the best I’ve ever read. However in many ways I think entrepreneurial companies need more tactical content.
5. The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard – In my mind simply the best book on leading people.  I first read it in 1986 and have all my clients read it too.  Combining this book with Situational Leadership (the content developed with Dr Paul Hersey will transform any company). It’s still current today.
6. Trends by Tom Peters & Martha Barletta – This book rocked me into realizing that women make so many of the buying decisions and we’ve been focusing our selling to men.  A must read for anyone in the services space.
7. The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr – This book is what broke me from my workaholic doom loop. It will help you realize that work/life balance REALLY is key to growing a great company.
8. The Welch Way : 24 Lessons From The Worlds Greatest CEO by Jack Welch -This little book has all of the simple lessons Jack Welch learned and used to build GE into a global dominant brand. More importantly these are the lessons that helped it be such a well run company.
9. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand – Every business person has to read this book.  It’s time we really see the entrepreneur as the hero and realize how much government is crippling our nations today. Gov’t should serve the people not strip away all their earnings and make it harder for companies to grow.
10. Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl – While it isn’t a business book it will show you how much the human spirit can overcome and why you’ll overcome every struggle you encounter if you’re clear on what life is really all about.  This is a great read before or after Start With Why.

+1 More — Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing – The Riveting true story of Ernest Shackleton that will rock your world.  Simply the greatest book I’ve ever read.  Tons of leadership lessons from this if you need them too but it’s also a fantastic read.  Steve Jobs bought a copy for every employee at Apple.  My grandfather Cam Shortts, who was one of the most voracious readers ever said it was his favourite book of all time. Years ago I bought a copy for EVERY franchisee and it blew them away. When you see what they endured you will KNOW that you’ll build your dream too.

Enjoy.  Frankly, I think business owners spend FAR too much time reading business books and not enough time putting the business lessons they learn deep in place in their companies.  I took 24 months off business book reading. Now for every 1 business book I read I next read 4 for fun.