During this process, the other person must feel that you are empathizing with them and that you understand and care about their point of view.
To really help you with this, use techniques such as ‘paraphrasing,’ or repeating back what they have said and asking if you understood correctly or ‘perception checking,’ the process of watching their reaction and asking them if they’re following you and understanding what you’re saying.
Once you agree on the issue at hand, define the problem. Deal with the reason the person brought up the conflict and the underlying issues. Try not to get too personal and stay on track. Examine what you did that helped cause the problem. Take the lead and admit the things you did that were wrong. Admit what you could have done differently and encourage the other person to do the same. Good conflict management doesn’t mean giving something resolution–it means getting each person to admit their contribution, facts and feelings.
· Confront the issue, not the person.
· Examine your own contribution to the problem.
· Acknowledge what each person wants out of the process.
At the end of the session ask yourself, have emotions been diffused and an agreement been made on the issue? This is a real bobbing and weaving process that can be complex, but both parties need to be assertive in wanting to reach a win/win solution.
TIP: One way I’m able to listen to others, is I sit on my hands, somehow it stops me from trying to talk or interrupt them.
What works for you ?